JOY FOR YOUR SORROW

JOY FOR YOUR SORROW 

I’ve hated 2020. I’ve begged for it to go away. I’ve wished it never happened. I’ve tried to erase it from the years in my life. But for some weird reason, this December hits differently. 

I’ve had to basically run through most of the year on autopilot. I lost my grandmother.  I’ve been to the depths of despair. 

But somehow, I’m here. 

And I’ve also found kindness in the most unlikely places. I’ve received favors from strangers who have blessed me. I’ve found love in times when hate surrounded me. I’ve found forgiveness even when I didn’t deserve it. 

I’ve had several discussions with God, most of which were unpleasant. I’ve faced storms that shook my faith by its foundations. I’ve lingered in the grey area between white and black. I’ve lost myself countlessly in an abyss of uncertainty. 

But somehow I’m here. 

I’m under no illusions about how different this Christmas would look without my grandmother in it. I’ve had doubts about finding any form of joy in the celebration. I’ve even tried to process her absence if and when I enter 2021. I’ve wondered what it’ll probably feel like without her.

So I’d planned to just let this month run through me, like recent ones. 

But today, right now, I feel a certain form of lightness inside. I feel like I’m in a small garden of roses inside a bigger field of thorns. And it’s a big deal for me because I’m actually just realizing that I made it to December. And I’m actually still alive. 

Being alive means I still have a chance to find more gardens, to savour new fragrances, to build little castles of happiness, to paint a picture with beautiful colours and forever miss the woman who was life and everything to me😢. 

I’m alive. I have a chance. I’m letting that sink in. 

_Dr. Igwe Stephen_

This is the entirety of living 

Through pain we find beauty 

We find that living can be done so beautifully

If we can just let ourselves see.

See that God's love never goes away

That there's love all around us 

That living, is growing 

That the different shades of life is what brings the beauty 

If we can let ourselves see 

Then we'll gradually heal